最近心情时好时坏。
很烦啊。。。。

倒数两天，我们就是合法夫妻了。
可能是太过紧张，心情很乱，还有点恐惧。
i know you are the one, but..... as a woman, we will tend to think a lot more.
once signed, the man good or bad is our luck liao.
though i never thought i will get married at such age, i tot i will get married even younger.
who knows, i choose and choose, choose until i no time to choose anymore. haha.
the feelings i am having right now is really weird. it's so hard for me to describe.

还有8天，就是我们的ROM了。不知道是不是婚前恐惧症，最近不停的在做很奇怪的梦。梦到他有别的女人。梦到我们取消婚礼。最近一直疑神疑鬼。好没有安全感。

last time is maple story, now is wechat. so, what's next?

了解一段感情不能抓得太紧，当然也不能放得太松。
是我，给你太多的自由，太多的信任。让你放肆的伤害我。
思考后的结果，其实男人都是一样的。不能信任。
问问你自己，
最后一次送我花，是什么时候？
最后一次给我的惊喜，是什么时候？
这些没有我都已经不计较了。我就当做你忙。没空。
可是，你连剩下的信任，都要剥夺吗？

i know im different from other gal that treat you badly.... and i know that you will nv give up anything for me.... perhaps, i've never know you until now....

went to choose photo yesterday with dear, mummy and sister. was unsatisfied with the outdoor shoot and decided to retake since it's FOC (Because we paid so much).
Our consultant suddenly change because the previous cant talk win us.
i really got pissed of with that bridal shop whenever i go there.
The way they talk is really stupid!

anyway, went back to kulai, my grandma house, to visit them. standing behind my grandpa, look at his white hair. i wanted to cry.... realising he's getting old..... when i was young, he carried me at his back. everyone will get old, but it's a heart pain for me to see them grow old.
was playing lantern and candles with my relatives, just like when we were young. really remind all of us of our childhood time.

今天，九月十一日， 是一个难忘的日子。
因为，去年的今天和一位一直以来很要好的朋友断绝关系。
说起来，我们分开其实没什么大事发生。就，一些误会。
一年了。。。 整整一年了。 我们不再联络。
希望她过得好。

其实今天真正写blog 的目的是要讲工作的事啦。
这几天，一直在想，老板说的话。 他说我太天真。
天真，这两个字听起来是很好听。但对一个快要三十的人来说，仔细想想，是一种讽刺。
就因为，人家说什么就相信。觉得自己一点也不聪明。有时，真的很难过。因为，天真让我觉得自己是一个长不大的小孩。尽力了那么多挫折，却也没变多聪明。老是给别人欺负。
不过想想，总比莫些人好很多。因为，有那么的一个人，比我还要天真，还要笨，却以为自己很聪明。那个人，自己被人家当了一颗棋子还不知道。不想多说。难免引起不必要的问题。
在事业上，其实自己本身想当一个女强人。聪明又能干的女强人。可惜，自己应该没有那个资格。好希望自己在事业里有成。真得好好想想办法。。。

我的生活就是如此的闷。。。。。 想找个人吃个饭，都困难。。。。。
真的是，求人不如求己啊！

人人都说，婚姻是爱情的坟墓。
情侣之间的信任到底该有多少？ 其实，这是要看彼此做出来的事情。
经过了无数次的失败爱情， 让我发现，同时也学习到不少事。
女人，永远都不能完完全全相信一个男人。 因为，男人的天性是女人永远不明白的。
男人永远都不知道，女人需要鼓起多大的勇气去完全的信任你。
男人永远都不知道，女人要大的勇气去选择一段婚姻。
男人永远都不知道，当一个女人不再为你流泪，不是变成熟。 而是，慢慢的死心。
男人永远都不知道，女人的付出有多少。
男人都以为，女人的付出是理所当然的。
女人的一生，因为一个爱的男人，成了黄脸婆。煮饭，洗地，顾孩子。他们都认为这是简单的工作。永远都不知道女人的辛苦。
如果女人遇见一个可以体谅我们的男人，那是多麽幸福的事啊。。。。 可是，这种男人，已经少见了。
就好像搭地铁，以前的男人都会起身让女人做。 现在能？大家都有眼见。我也不必多说。

最近的我，面对着婚前恐惧症。这，的确可怕。女人这辈子，最害怕的就是，嫁错人。
一直在问自己，我应该不会后悔吧？
女人啊，这可是赔上了自己一辈子的青春啊。。。 可要想清楚。

我要的，是一辈子的幸福。

At work now, and since the aircon engineers are doing some repair which might caused the power trip, therefore im here to do my blogging.

Went dinner with Na yesterday at ma maison restaurant located at Bugis Junction.




Purposely went there for their squid pasta, unfortunately, NO SQUID on that day due to the supplier. Kind of sad. anyway, the dish that is recommended by the staff taste nice too! Though we have not met up for quite some times, and we actually feel a gap, but, everything became alright once we met up with each other. we still chit chat as we used to be.

Received a message from Grace while having our dinner, she was asking if i'm going to be her sister. I hesitate and replied her that i might not as i feel it's quite weird ever since the incident with one of the gal 1 year ago. Honestly speaking, not that i dont want to..... just that, it will make me and maybe that gal to feel awkward. I know there must be a way to break the ice, but, it's never easy to take the first step. Anyway, Grace will only need the answer in 2 weeks there, i will take this time to think about it then.

Received some gifts from na yesterday.

1. Birthday gift from Na, Grace, Zhen and Peishi. they bought it from disney land. feel kind of touch as they have not forgotten me.

2. Agnes b, BB Cream.

3. Some cute and funny items with leopard prints on it.

4. Winnie the pooh hook

Though i got no chance to thanks the rest, i hereby thank all of them.

My wedding

As I am getting married next year, 29 March 2014. Some preparations have already started.
Like, guest lists, budget, bridal shoot, etc.

We went for gown fitting on 9 August 2013, it was quite fast as i only took 2 hours on it. Perhaps, others might took a longer time.

We will be going down to the restaurant for dinner as well as putting deposit for the wedding dinner.
we chose restaurant instead of hotel is because the food there is really nice and it's not that expensive. We both feel that the most important thing is the atmosphere we are going to bring in. And we will be going in to get his white shoes and also will be doing my nails on this sunday i guess? as our bridal shoot will be next sunday.
Talk about bridal shoot, we have to be there at 10am which is so so so early for the both of us. Quite afraid that we both cant wake up and reach there on time. haha.
We have signed up a package that cost us RM8888, as there was a promotion and we are given the RM 9999 package. and i guess it's quite common that all bridal consultants will try their place to promote and promote other things to you. But, you have to be firm of your decision. one thing i kind of regret was getting the nude bra from there which cost me RM120. As i have never bought any nude bra, i dont know how much it's sell outside. I only get to know it when we went to KSL to shop. the price was 19.90 or the most expensive i saw was RM29.90. I was like, wtf? Since i already bought it from the bridal shop, then i cant say any further. cant be i asked money back from them right? or even went to quarrel with them. I feel there is no point to do so now.
After signing the package, they will still be quite pushy of asking you to buy this and that.
and now i am wondering, should i get the ampoule from them? i went to do some research and there is an article from a makeup artist saying, actually there is no need for us to get any ampoule as it really doesnt help much. it's a way for the bridal shop to earn extra cash. And jimmy actually mentioned to me 2 days ago that if they were to "show pattern", he will just show them his attitude and walk away and we will go back to take another day. I really hope everything will go well on the day.

Studies
Talking about my studies, i remember i went to further my study is because my fiance's sister is going too.
So i was thinking, since she is going for the lesson that im interested in, might as well join her and we can study together.

The duration of the course is 10 months. Why so short right? Because the schedule is really pack. Can say that, we study till we are almost unable to breath. Anyway, it's ending soon. the last 2 module examination will be on next week. and after that i will be a freeman! yeah!
Kind of surprised that I am able to complete everything, all subjects passed at one goal.  meaning, i actually can do it if i try my best.

今天心情超不好的！不知道是倒霉还是自己的问题。。。。。
觉得什么事都很不顺。

There are so much thing for me to update.

First of all, I would like to say that, I have gotten my bridal shop and will be shooting next month. =)

I think we have drag too long to start our preparation. and now our schedule is very packed.

Went in to JB last sunday, our initial intention is actually just to walk around and check the bridal shop out. 

First, we went to Melbliss bridal shop, which is the first bridal shop in mind, and end up we stuck there. 

We were both attracted to their package, and im attracted to their night gown.... and yeah, so, we put a deposit there. The bridal consultant explained to us the procedure and duration of everything. End up, we both realised we need to shoot latest by october this year. so the consultant actually suggest us to schedule as early as possible just in case anything happen. and so, on the 9 August, we will be there to choose wedding gown, and on the 10 August, we will be having our photoshoot. 

Im happy and im nervous at the same time. i wonder, will all the bride-to-be be like me? haha...

and also kinda afraid la... haha

I know he's the one that i would want to marry, but of course, all women will afraid of marrying the wrong one.

out of so many ppl, i choose him. dont ask me why.... bcox i also dunno... haha

argh! restaurant not booked yet! jialat liao la.... 

Sisters settled. 

谁会记得？

it's been quite sometimes the last i update my blog.
so many things for me to update.
hmm..... tomorrow there will be a parents meeting session to discuss about the wedding preparation.
hope everything will go smoothly.
we will be going to JB to that bridal shop which i have selected to take a look on the 7 July 2013.
but, im still thinking, should i invite them for my actual wedding. as we have not been contact for so long. this is the only thing that puzzle me.
i have to admit that, im happy now too. bcox only things happen, then you are able to see clearly who are your true friends. True friend (s) need not be many. 1 or 2 will be enough.
some ppl think that, true friends should meet often. But to me, not neccessary. Often meet up doesnt show how close you are. But, for those who dont meet often, but hearts are always as close. that is then your true friends. a sentence from my buddy really touches my heart. she said " it's so good to have me." this sentence melt my heart. at least, i know, there is this someone, who can feel me and how i appreciate friend.
Though going BBK without the group of gals, feel a bit weird and of course a big different.
how i can say, they know me. they compromise me.
But whatever it is, it's already the end of our story.
Many ppl used to envy me that i have many friends. but now, i left with 2.
but that doesnt mean my life is bad. i am still as happy as before.

im flying to Bangkok tomorrow with Dear and his friends.... but, i aint that happy.
My Virgin trip to Bangkok was with you gals, eventually, i will tot of you gals.....
i know we can never get back to where we use to be.

我要改变

i need a change desperately... of course, changing for the better....
my first desperate is to slim down.....
i know it's not as easy as talking.....
i used to to be very slim and people do praise me of my figure....
but, everything changed since im 21....
ever since i been with this person named Jameson aka ah gao
i love to wear clothing that is really tight fit..... and i can realised that i have grown meat immediately so that i can do some adjustment.
but then, he doesnt allow me to wear those clothing which i really really love to.
of course, i should say i deserve it..... because i shoudn't let others to take control of my life......
so, from now on.... i will and i must do it.
To love and to respect myself more.... should dress up and doll myself up like how i used to be.
like how much i used to love myself.... bcox i deserve it....
im those kinda lazy people. i dont like to exercise and i love to eat. especially steamboat.
really wonder how can i reach my goal.... hah!

我们不可能永远都满足每一个人

所谓。。。。。 一种米养百种人。。。
所以能，其余想尽办法去满足每一个人，倒不如不管任何人，自己快乐就好了。

at times, i really thought of giving up....
at times, i feel like crying but still i have to fake a smile....
will you hold me back if one day i about to leave?
you once told me, women are mean to be dote.... yes... at first i can feel you...
but now, you are making me disappointed.
i guess, it's time for me to tone down... but, i dont know how to start....
when ppl talking to me, i know it's a joke, i have to laugh though i dont find it funny at all....
you can call me fake.... but, it will be awkward if i dont laugh...
at first, i thought you are the best, but now, you dont even give me face in front of others.
ppl feels that you dont treat me well.... the feeling of they guy that beatened me years back somehow come back to my mind... though you dont beat me.... but the attitude i got from you...
sometimes, moment like now, i feel like giving up in this relationship. but, i dont want to be over emotional.
i know i still love you... but, you are making me feel that you are taking things for granted.
you are supposed to protect me from getting hurt, and sometimes you are hurting me....
sometimes, when i wake up, i feel like breaking...
sometimes, when i wake up, i feel like crying....
sometimes, when i wake up, i realised there is no need to get marriage....
sometimes, when i wake up, i feel that im alone...
not only when i wake up, sometimes in the day, i feel that way too...
sometimes, when i wake up, i feel like living alone...
in a world that no one knows me....
sometimes, you make wonder, do you love me as much as i do?
that are so many thoughts running in my mind now.....
sometimes i do feel like crying.....
you can say me emotional. i dont care.
when i look at back in the past, i look at the photos, look at those ppl who used to be in my life.
i look up the sky, and asked God, why is this happening to me.
many things happened, and make me not to trust God anymore.

有人说，要结婚的一年前，都会开始出现“婚前恐惧症”。
我想，我的征兆来了吧。。。。
我不停的问自己，还爱不爱你。。。。
该结这个婚吗。。。。