今天老板帮我做了一年一度的performance review. 他说我诚实，实在。但有时却很粗心。
还有要我多了解game industry 的东西。那么，可以帮助公司成长。
的确，他说的没错啦。所以啊，应该多读点东西让自己更厉害。
不过啊，我觉得，有样东西我做错了。
不管自己有多忙，我都不会告诉老板，其实我已经忙到不可开交。不管我多忙，我都会逼自己，告诉自己，我还可以take in more work! 我的桌子，每次都会让我摆得整整齐齐。因为我不喜欢桌子乱。因为做起事来，也会乱。没头绪！可能就是这一点，老板觉得我不忙。
不管怎样，老板开口，那么，我就会有进步的空间。我明年的performance appraisal, 一定要更好。一定要有进步！真的好希望我可以做个女强人！当然，希望我有这方面的天分，潜能！
我一定要做到！ 坚持到底！加油！

应该放下所有的仇恨了吧。。。。。。 会让自己心疼的，又何必再去恨呢。。。。

Frankly speaking, i am seriously pissed off. i wonder if it's my fault in the first place and come to realise it's not my fault at all!
Stupid TW mindset cause my work to cock up!
really feel like resigning at this moment.
after i have cool down, my boss came up to me and say that he checked with the previous gal, it's seperately etc. YES! I KNOW IT'S DONE SEPERATELY! but no one tells me that the money will transfer seperately and they are actually asking for Salary and Bonus report together at the same times!
I mean, logically, everybody will sure think that the money will be TT together at the same times right?
this is really WTF! if you dont trust me, then stop saying things like im doing very well etc.

was a busy weekend last week!
as it's the SBF Event, went to help on sunday. the weather was freaking hot!
i almost fainted when i just reached there for few hours! and i drank a lot of water! really respect the rest who can tahan for 2 days! salute!
though i dont really willing to help out at first, because i dont really like this kinda event, etc. esp with the hot weather. but afterall, it's still fun and i enjoy it. just that, it's very tiring.

had my first preg test last  saturday, it was negative. very happy but feel sad after a while.
feeling giddy and almost fainted yesterday. the bone near my ass there was kinda pain. was thinking if i am preg. as the test kit i used on sat cost me only $3 and it's going to expire in Jan 2013.
wasnt feeling very well recently. and this morning i realised there's a bit of blood on my panty, and i thought it was menses, but it only comes with few spots. and now, i dont see any. but sometimes, it will be like that when you come normal menses. so, should wait and see for tml.

如果。。。。 我怀孕了。。。。 怎么办？？？
昨天又特别饿。。。。 今天又吃不下。。。。
平时爱吃的，今天吃到反胃。。。。。。 不要告诉我，我真的怀孕了。。。。

feel like vomiting these few days. wondering if i am pregnant. but there is one more day to my menses.
actually, partially i hoping that i am and not.
reason for not getting preg, because im not married yet though we are very stable now.
of course, people at my age, i feel like having a child.
my bf told me yesterday that if im really preg, we will get married next month. so fast!
he told me, cannot be wait till my stomach big then married bah. haha.... at least, he's being thoughtful.

是我太小气，太自私吗？
我男朋友以前的scandal 要他做她婚礼的mc... 因为她的mc 的爷爷突然过世。
我想，只要是女人，都会介意吧。。。。
就因为，我男朋友需要做她的mc, 结果要我自己去她的wedding.
那么，不是变成我要一个人吗？
他知道的，不管我有多么介意，多么不想去，因为他，我还是回去的。。。。
我嘴里一气之下，就告诉他，明天我不去了。还send 了他一个msg.
“ it seems like your scandal is more impt. disappointed"
这时刻的我，其实感觉有点委屈，难过。

虽然我们住在一起，可是很多时候，我都觉得自己很寂寞。我们根本没有什么触动。
很多事情，都要自己默默承受。。。。
我希望，这辈子，你不会对不起我。。。。 因为我真的害怕。
昨天你说我99.9% 是跟你结婚的那个了。。。 我问你，为什么只是99.9%
你回答说，可能我拒绝你呢？
我没说什么，因为，就算我跟你说，我会答应你。
我心里，还是会害怕。。。 或许，最后我真的会拒绝你？我自己也不知道我最后的决定。
看到很多失败的婚姻，自己都会害怕。害怕我嫁错人。
或许，我就注定要孤单一辈子吧。我真的很希望，我最后会答应你。
希望我的恐惧不是我们之间的问题。

P.S. just received an image from dear dear via whatsapp, which is his call log.
and follow by a msg, telling me that even before i sent him the disappointed msg. he already call her that he is  not going to be her MC right after i told him that im not going. looking at that msg, i tear. i feel so touched.
and continue, he told me that, actually he already knew what my reaction will be, but he just trying out his luck.... =.=" 那你是不是在等被骂？